Have you ever noticed that when it comes to intimacy and sex, some subjects are easier to talk about than others?
For example, we see plenty of articles in magazines that promise sure-fire ways to achieve the Big O: We see them in the checkout line at the grocery stores or we turn on the radio and hear women giving tips on how the average person can spice things up in the bedroom.
But besides jokes about battery operated toys that burn out from excessive use, few “how to” conversations related to sex focus on the importance of masturbation as a means to sexual discovery.
It’s almost as if self-stimulation is a joking matter, otherwise only useful for those times when you’re single or your partner is absent and thus masturbation isn’t treated seriously as a legitimate method to improve one’s sex life.
I think this line of thinking is a fallacy that fails to acknowledge that ultimately we are our own masters. Our bodies are first and foremost our own. Their primary purpose sexually isn’t a source of sexual pleasure for others, but a source of pleasure for ourselves.
Hence, the act of masturbating can be seen as a form of self-empowerment.
Let’s all think back to that first moment when you discovered how to pleasure yourself. Do you remember it? Do you remember how your hands and fingers felt the first time you touched yourself down there? You probably began your exploration with hesitation, but then your grip or your touch became bolder. Your breathing became faster. Your pulse quickened and before you knew it, you were on the brink of orgasm and then finally you came, collapsing back on the bed or backseat of the car (as the case may have been) satiated and ready to go again.
And you discovered, the more often you took care of your sexual needs the more you learned about what you liked and how you liked it.
Overall, you learned your body. You learned what would trigger an orgasm the fastest or the strongest. You learned what made you scream, groan and moan. It took a few tries, but eventually you became your own master.
And that is the type of empowering knowledge that you can share with a partner to break down the walls of sexual communication. I would argue that masturbation is the ultimate tool one can use to not only connect intimately with oneself, but also with your partner.
I remember once someone was making disparaging comments about masturbation because that person felt that self-stimulation made you master of your body and as a result no one would be able to please you like you can please you.
I would counter with: if you’re your own master than who else would be best to train your apprentice than you? If you’re master of your body and you know what you want and how you want it, then aren’t you in a great position to teach someone else how to pleasure you?
And then wouldn’t this lead to a richer more fulfilling sex life?
If you don’t know how you like to be touched, or where, it becomes a guessing game when someone else attempts to please you. Instead of fumbling in the dark giving directions and hoping for the best, isn’t it easier to skip the awkwardness and just say, kiss me there or touch me here?
So tonight, when you’re alone in between the sheets strip down to nothing. Enjoy the feel of the sheet against your skin and then let your hands wander. Touch yourself. Get acquainted with the feel of your inner thighs, slide your hands over your sex, take a deep breath and explore. Talk dirty to yourself, roughly handle your sex, spread your legs wide and discover exactly what makes you come so hard that your bed groans in submission and surprise.