You’re strong, sexy and independent.
You’re in charge of your own destiny.
You are the master of your own fate.
You have the world at your heels and everyone is either begging for your mercy or your attention.
Either way, you’re one bad chick...at least outside the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, you’re not so sure of yourself. You’re not exactly an enchantress or a sexpot. Between your insecurities regarding your body and your inability to communicate your wants and needs to your partner, you’re less of a goddess in the bedroom and more of a wallflower: eager to participate in the action, but so unsure of yourself that you become a shy, awkward version of your normally fierce self.
Becoming a sexy vixen between the sheets isn’t a complex process that requires exhaustive knowledge of sexual positions (positions that could possibly give you cramps in weird places you didn’t even know existed). Nor is sexual prowess measured by becoming the best at fellatio or cunnilingus. It’s actually about learning to express who you are fundamentally through your sexuality. And the first step in freeing that inner sex goddess is breaking down the barriers to sexual communication.
Below are a few ideas to help you chip away at your self-imposed limitations and achieve greater satisfaction in the bedroom.
1. Banish your Inhibitions
When you walk into the bedroom, leave your insecurities at the door. For many women, the fear that your lover may find your thighs too big, your waist too thick, your vagina too loose, your breasts too small or your nipples too large, keeps you from thoroughly enjoying sexual intimacy. Think about it. How often do you even have sex with the lights on or (gasp) in broad daylight, with none of the curtains drawn, leaving each of your perceived flaws exposed?
As women, in order to embrace our sexuality, we need to embrace ourselves. And that means instead of focusing on minute flaws, we should focus on the act, the intimacy, the sharing, the fun that lovemaking is. And when your partner sees that you’re comfortable, then he or she will become more forthcoming in communicating their wants and needs and also more likely to anticipate yours, which will lead to a richer, better sex life.
2. Be Open to Trying Something New
Sometimes in order to truly learn our likes and dislikes, we have to be pushed outside our comfort zone. This means, you might want to consider trying something new. Are you stuck in a missionary rut? Are you usually the type who doesn’t initiate? Or are you exactly the opposite and consider yourself adventurous and maybe even domineering, but you want to push the envelope even further? Overall, trying something new will build your confidence and help you learn to communicate to your partner your particular sexual needs and wants.
3. Be Selfish
Who says sexual pleasure has to be a two-way street? A selfish lover is a content lover; hence, it’s okay to be selfish every now and then. By focusing solely on you: what turns you on, what gets you off, what feels good to you, you learn more about yourself. So don’t bother feeling guilty, it’s okay if you’re the only one who reaches an orgasm tonight. Being a little selfish, just making sure you’re pleasured can be empowering. And a woman who feels empowered in the bedroom is a woman who isn’t afraid to communicate her desires and needs.
4. Don’t Give Up
Becoming the sexually confident woman you need to be may not happen overnight. It may not happen within a few days. But hey, there’s nothing wrong with so much practice that your inner thighs ache and you’re a little sore in other places the next day. You’ll get there, so if you fail or stumble the first time around, don’t give up. Contrary to what the media will have you believe, being good in bed isn’t an innate skillset that all women are just born with. It takes time, patience and determination to get to the point where you’re comfortable enough with yourself and your body to become the sexual goddess you want to be. Be patient and kind to yourself: It’s a journey, not a race.
5. Ask for help
You might be saying to yourself: help? As in assistance from another person besides your partner? No, I'm not referring to a ménage a trois (unless you’re so inclined). Instead, sex games like Ardor help to open the lines of communication so that couples can take their sex lives to another level.
Let’s face it:Expressing your sexual needs out loud or even mentioning the desire to try something new sexually can be intimidating, but Ardor facilitates these types of conversations.
Think about it: It’s easier to pull a card that tells your partner to tie you up and spank you, than it is to make that request out loud. Sometimes a little help is necessary to incite a big change.
I now leave you with a few key recommendations: Relax. Don’t overthink it. Sometimes we over analyze and put so much pressure on ourselves to be the sex experts we think we should be that we forget that sex isn’t about perfection: It’s about vulnerability, intimacy and experimentation. Acknowledging this will help you free your inner goddess by letting the confidence you possess in other areas of life materialize when you’re tucked between the sheets.