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Millennials: We have communication issues

 

Millenials - we have communication issues - by Amber - Ardor blog post

While separated this summer, (I was fulfilling family obligations and planning our long distance wedding) fiancé and I were talking about how much we missed each other emotionally and physically.

It was then we admitted that we were both bored with our current sex life. He didn’t know how to communicate what he wanted in the bedroom. I however, being a creative writer and a bit more daring with my words, jumped into communicating online and via text messages what I liked in bed.

We began to talk about our limits, but again, we have both only ever been with each other, so we don’t know a whole lot about spicing up our sex life. It wasn’t until I was willing to introduce games into our bed that I saw an improvement.

As a millennial, I was on the forefront of instant messaging, text messaging and all other “artificial” means of communication. I am shy and so is my fiancé. The screen and the anonymity of the internet or text messaging allowed us to be more comfortable having awkward conversations, not face to face. By playing a game in the bedroom, we were forced to look at each other and open the lines of communication about what we wanted. What felt good and what didn’t.

Playing games would allow us to test our limits in a safe semi-anonymous space. If the game is telling you to explore a part of yourself, it takes your desires out the equation and allows you that piece of anonymity usually felt while in front of a cold impersonal screen.

A game would force us to address what we really wanted without fear of embarrassment or judgment by our partner. It could help us to communicate outside of the bedroom what made us unhappy, such as our partner not doing the dishes or what else we needed in our relationship. Once you break down the barrier to the most uncomfortable conversations, the others come more easily.

We are young and in love. While sex is all around us, it is not something we talk about unless we are bragging about our most recent conquest. When you are in a committed, loving relationship, you stop talking sex with your friends. When you are in a rut, you have nowhere to turn to for advice other than the internet. When you do a google search about spicing up your love life, you start to get pop-ups of people old enough to be your parents, naked, while you’re trying to do everyday tasks on the computer. There is a stigma attached to our overly sexualized generation. We should be able to do it and do it hot without a problem. We have enough examples on TV and movies to make us creative. It doesn’t. It makes us self-conscious.

If we added games into the bedroom, we could open the lines of communication. We can explore ourselves and each other and say “I’d like to play with this card more often”. Games could help us break down the barrier of awkward, makes talking about sex less stigmatized. You also realize, more often than not, your partner is as confused and inexperienced as you are. You wouldn’t have known that if you didn’t introduce something different, like a game, into your bedroom.

When I finally pushed my pride aside and opened up to a friend who has been in a relationship as long as I have and is getting married soon as well, I was not shocked by her response to my problem. “Games are for failing relationships. Is your relationship failing?!”I assured her I was more in love than ever, but we were bored. We were working through it as a couple, but our bedroom life was boring. This is not an unusual reaction to sex games from my generation.

Hell, I would even say any generation would be scared to admit they’re having issues in the bedroom in their twenties. We’re young and virile; we should be having sex like crazy without any issues. If you’re not it’s like a plague. No one wants to hear about it for fear they’ll catch it. At least that’s the vibe I got from my friend.

After opening up about what fiancé and I wanted in the bedroom, we have made a commitment to open our communication. We now send sexy emails, and steamy texts throughout the day. However, we are hitting a wall. We haven’t yet introduced games into our bedroom, but we would like to. It’s an intimidating idea introducing a game into your bedroom. For a rule follower like me I would follow the cards exactly as they were written and not deviate from the rules. This could benefit us because we can communicate about what makes us uncomfortable and what we’re willing to try again. It forces us to look each other in the face and communicate openly and freely.

On the other hand, rules are meant to be broken, and maybe our new communication skills could contribute to a better sex life.

For now, this millennial is signing off.

Love,

Amber

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